EDIT: This is what I get for writing at 4 A.M. while falling asleep at my desk. The grammatical errors were plenty in this one lol. All fixed now.

 

Wow what a semester.

I am sorry that I have not been able to post recently. I was hoping that April would be able to hold down the blogging fort but she fell into the same quicksand that I did…school.

Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love school. However, because I had my surgery on October 16th, I wasn’t able to get back to work largely until November 10th, an eternity in college time. Because of that I was working from behind all the way to the end. Whenever I would finish another assignment, the next one would already be appearing. It was never-ending and I was suffering from some pretty bad burn out, while trying to remain as stress-free as possible. By the time I actually caught back up to where I was supposed to be in the class a week ago, it was time for finals. Rather than risk losing the momentum I had by stopping and starting, I chose to just dive right in. I now write before you, a ‘finals-free man’.

 

One of my visitors today who has been a great friend and teacher at the university reminded me that what I was doing is something that many students wouldn’t have tried to overcome this semester. That I should be proud that I was able to push through. It reminded me of how I might myself have thought many years ago..when things weren’t done because I was lazy…not because it wasn’t an option.

I am determined that more options are coming. Currently I feel better strength-wise than I have in over a year. I doing more and more of my own errands, most of the time basic things like going to the bank but sometimes I am going to the store and grocery shopping. This is a victory, a strange, strange victory. I still have to be careful because too often my body is ready to remind me of the limitations that still exist, and that while I am making progress I need to be making it at the right pace. I will be starting rehab very soon and I am excited that I will have the winter break to be able to really dive in and commit to it. I can’t wait to see what the doctors are able to do with my lungs and muscles.

 

My progress in the immediate future consists of two challenges.

1. This Saturday, Kansas basketball plays a home game versus Montana. My fiance wants badly to go to this. Rather than having the normal conversation where we talk about the things we wish we could do and then change the subject, I told her that we should go for it. It’s the end of the semester and I haven’t been able to go to a game in over a year. More than that, she deserves the most normal life that I can afford to give her. I am working with KU facilities in order to figure out a wheelchair rental if needed as well as my limited mobility seating and parking. Most importantly I need to just remember to take deep breaths and remember that medical staff is on hand at the games. That I am going to be ok. I will make it through, and make it through smiling.
2. I am only two classes away from finishing my undergraduate degree. I am 28 and so this has been about ten years in the making, started and stopped most often by work. Falling ill dramatically changed my trajectory. I went from a straight year on the honor roll to having to withdraw from an entire semester because I could not reliably get to campus due to muscle and breathing issues. Now, in the wake of the slow improvement made since the surgery and rehab coming up, I would love to be able to take a class on campus. I am in contact with my doctors and professors who are, while cautious, cheering me on. I can feel their support and I want this. Badly. I want to sit in a classroom, hear a lecture, take my notes and go home. Interestingly, it looks like due to the way some scheduling stuff is shaking out I may actually be forced to take at least one course of the two on campus. I am emailing several folks on campus and prepping for all possibilities. My soul is crying for the freedom, but my body is still unsure. The only thing I can do though is to release the soul and see how high it can fly now.

To everyone who has followed me this year, and those who are fighting your own battles either yourself or with a loved one, you have my heart and thoughts always. Everyone stay safe, take care of yourselves and Merry Christmas.